Jennifer Tomlin: Untethering From the Weight of Breast Cancer Through Mentoring Others

— By Mary Ann Noe

July 23, 2024

Like the multi-colored hot air balloons in the festival in her hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico, Jennifer Tomlin felt tethered to the ground by her cancer diagnosis of 10 years ago. Not only that, but at the time of her diagnosis, she was in the midst of changing careers, from music education to mental health and behavior therapy for infants and toddlers. As she puts it, the cancer diagnosis was when “my whole world came crashing down.” The only good thing at the time was that she had just married her wife, who provided wonderful support.

Once Jennifer was finished with surgery, chemo, radiation, and two bouts of reconstruction, she was angry, angry at the cancer itself and at the lack of detailed knowledge that she craved from her healthcare team. Eventually, she knew it was time to refocus and the COVID-19 pandemic’s forced separations sent her looking for connections. That’s when she got involved with ABCD: After Breast Cancer Diagnosis.

She asked herself, “When will I be less mad?” and ABCD provided the answer. Through training as an ABCD Mentor, Jennifer was able to turn her journey into the positive experience of helping channel all her feelings in support of others. She absolutely credits ABCD with easing her mental angst and anger. Mentoring validates what she went through, as well as allows her to provide an empathetic ear for others. If she can offer any tips, “all my suffering has some purpose.” She laughed and said that may sound odd, but she has found great satisfaction in “walking alongside of people,” helping them reconcile that we don’t control much of anything on this journey, but we can still find a peace in that. One of her joys is helping her Participants transition to talking about not only cancer, but about everyday things. After all, she says, “We are all part of a sisterhood we never wanted to belong to,” and, “My story is every woman’s story.” Mentoring feeds her as there is a universality to it all.

Soon, we can call Jennifer “Doctor,” as she fulfills her dream of a PhD in psychology, which allows her to counsel in hospitals, with adults, and in palliative care and oncology. After treatment, she discovered she likes weightlifting, which increased her mobility and strength and is a great tension reliever. The weightlifting also counterbalances nicely with her love of baking peanut butter and chocolate cookies. Jennifer and her wife love to travel, and coincidentally her favorite places “all seem to start with I”: Ireland, India, Iceland. She (and her three cats) dislike vacuuming, but have fun watching the Roomba do all the work, while she relaxes reading memoirs, psychological thrillers, and pretty much every other genre.

Jennifer no longer feels that cancer controls her life, and she credits ABCD for helping with that. Both cancer and mentoring have shown her she can give back to others, as well as treat herself with more empathy. Decisions are more thoughtful, and she “gives herself more grace.”

From that initial feeling of being tethered to the ground of cancer, Jennifer has cut the cords that bind her to earth, and continues to rise, like the hot air balloons, in the joy and satisfaction of helping others and herself. Now, she confidently says, “I could lead a small country if I wanted to.” 

Jennifer was diagnosed in June of 2014 with Stage 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, ER+ PR+ and HER2-. She had a bilateral mastectomy followed by LAT Flap reconstruction. Jennifer had chemotherapy and radiation following surgery, and Tamoxifen and Lupron were taken for hormone suppression.